Mother, May I

Source: TV Guide

Umm… what the heck just happened? Did kickass Kara Thrace just go gently into that good night? I mean, I get that she found peace and Not-Leoben helped her see the light and the way to find her true destiny and all. But out of all the ways I ever imagined Starbuck dying, this was the last possible thing I would have ever considered. She basically committed suicide. I always thought that someone as badass, argumentative and disobedient as Starbuck would go down swinging, or chasing down some toasters. I know the whole point of the episode was to show how she had changed and come to terms with whatever lay beyond for her in the place between life and death, but I'm still surprised.

In fact, I'm still in disbelief that she's actually dead. I know, I saw as well as Apollo that her ship exploded into pieces, but I'm just so shocked. I had heard the rumors that something was up with her, but seriously, I thought it might be revealed that she was a Cylon, or that the Cylons would recapture her or something. Or I was secretly hoping that maybe she was just lost for a few episodes or something, but this… this has me floored. I warned my boss Dan on Friday when I saw the trailer that I was not going to be OK at work on Monday if they killed off Starbuck. I had finally caved and watched the preview for this week on the Sci Fi site. After he told me that he found Starbuck annoying — and I glared at him — he said that like most trailers, if I thought she was going to die, that probably meant she wasn't. Yeah, he's going to be subject to one moody Angel come tomorrow morning.

I was doing OK — if you count sitting in stunned silence OK — until they flashed to Adama's face and then his destruction of his model ship. The woman he often treated like a daughter had clearly been troubled and he didn't command Lee to ground her. Instead, he and Lee both thought that whatever hallucinations and nightmares Starbuck was having weren't bothersome enough for her to need further help. In times of war, it probably seemed like a wise decision, but I'm sure that Adama feels guilty. The good admiral isn't responsible, but I'm sure he'll continue to be hit hard by this. At least their last exchange was a pleasant one — which, considering that it was Starbuck, probably should have been a warning sign. She gave him the tiny statue of the Goddess Aurora: the goddess of the dawn and the one responsible for fresh starts.

The younger Adama will probably be quite shaken for a while, too. Kara was right, their relationship had truly come full circle. After all they've been through, he was back as CAG trying to keep her spunky self in line. But the caring look he gave her when he offered to be her wingman seemed to speak volumes. Sure, he's happy now with Dee, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still care a lot about Kara.

And poor Sam, when he gets back from his trip he's going to be devastated. Whatever their relationship was, he obviously was still in love with her too, and really the only one who seemed to know the extent of her frakked up relationship with her mother. He tried to save her by taking her away for a while, but stubborn Kara won out, as usual.

And Kara's mother, getting to know her certainly shed a lot of light on why Starbuck grew up the way that she did. The former military woman toughened up her child by hitting her over the head with a broomstick, slamming her hand in doorframes and verbally berating her. I guess in her warped mind she thought that by pushing Kara she'd make her stronger and capable of fulfilling her capacity for greatness, but I've got to wonder if Kara's mother knew that in order for her child to fulfill her destiny she'd have to sacrifice her own life. And if that wasn't Leoben in her mind, who was it?

Will we ever get more answers about what Starbuck's destiny really is? Will she ever reappear in another form? Could it still be that she is a Cylon and will just download into another body? Or will her death somehow help the humans to find Earth? Or was the whole destiny thing and her need to die all just in her head, and what she really needed was psychiatric help, like Helo suggested? I'm guessing that since she did those paintings as a child, it probably isn't solely the latter, but on this show you never know. I'm just not sure that this show will be the same without her.

So for now, I offer up my moment of silence in honor of the late Kara "Starbuck" Thrace. May the gods be with her.